100 Worst WWE Matches Ever - 1 - The Fiend vs. Seth Rollins
Universal Championship - Hell in a Cell 2019
We’re finally here.
I almost don’t know where to begin. After 99 entries, hundreds of hours of research and writing, I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the daunting task of eloquently putting my thoughts to the world.
I suppose I should start by saying that I truly believe this is the purest choice for the number 1 spot because no other so perfectly encapsulates everything we’ve seen to date. Visually disgusting. Terrible booking. Overly concerned referee. Supernatural powers. Boring wrestling. Finisher spamming. Bad melodramatic acting. Unsatisfying finish. Fan revolt. I suppose the only thing it lacks is something truly offensive in the vein of Patterson vs Brisco or Tomko vs Richards, however I would argue the fact this match exists in this form is offensive enough in its own right.
How fitting it is that the top spot features these two men, probably my two least favourite wrestlers of the last decade. Am I biassed by placing two people I detest in this spot? No, I am not. After all, two of my favourites were placed at number 3, far higher than I think 99% of all fans would have it on their own list. I am, however, not at all ruling out the possibility that this entire vanity project was nothing more than an excuse to get to this exact moment and shit on everything about this match and these two overrated wrestlers. Make no mistake, this is elevated by the horrible booking surrounding it, however these two more than contribute to its placement. There is a wide spectrum of factors that lead us to this outcome.
At Summerslam, Bray Wyatt made his in-ring debut with the Fiend gimmick. It was well loved (and still is to this day) thanks to a unique presentation and imaginative Jekyll and Hyde segments. WWE were so buoyed by the reaction at Summerslam that his very next match would be this one here.
Much like most things with Bray Wyatt, he had two major problems that he could never overcome in his career. The first was that WWE booking (and his own creative mind) had no concept of the difference between good and bad ideas. The career of Bray Wyatt is littered with potential, but let down by horrible execution or a constant desire to push the boundaries of his character to ridiculous lengths.
The second problem was that at some point he had to get in the ring and wrestle.
In his latest iteration, Bray portrays the Fiend - an unstoppable horror movie villain who has been destroying everyone, and selling for nobody. The problem is that WWE has always struggled with the concept of what makes stuff good, and therefore has no idea why - for example - a character like Michael Myers works. Halloween lives in its own universe where he is the most important character and it doesn’t matter that nobody else is on his level. When you present a wrestling character on a roster with hundreds of wrestlers above everyone else, then it makes everyone look bad and nothing makes sense. Once supernatural powers (which suck, have I mentioned this yet?) are introduced in wrestling, then all concepts of a hierarchy of power are removed. Instead it becomes Dragon Ball Super, where power levels are arbitrary and changes are made at a moment’s notice to whatever the story requires. This is not good storytelling, and will always fail especially in the hands of mediocre writers.
The Beastslayer Seth Rollins was towards the end of what had been a quite disastrous title reign (or pair of reigns when factoring in Lesnar’s brief reign in the middle). His character lacked any sort of personality, likability, or edge, and he was overshadowed on Raw by the real star of the show, Becky Lynch. He also got sucked into the neverending hell that is a three pay-per-view series against Baron Corbin. Which, as many NXT call ups will attest to, is enough to kill the momentum of anyone. In the leadup to the match with the Fiend, he was cowering away in fear from the monster, making him look like a total geek in the process.
Before the bell even rings, I think this could have legitimately made the list solely off the visual aspect alone. Fiend matches had a horrible bright red light over it that felt more akin to a photography darkroom than a wrestling show. The concept of unique lighting is not new, as it’s something that WWE have tried in the past and always quickly dropped after a few weeks when they realise it doesn’t work. This is by far the worst example because the red is so bright that it is physically difficult to look at, especially in the world of HD television. This is all without mentioning the ugly red cell, which only exacerbates the issue. I’ve seen photos from fans in the arena, and it’s honestly amazing they saw enough shit to know that it was awful.
To begin, we get the usual diatribe from commentary about how dangerous the Hell in a Cell match is, despite the fact that the stipulation has been ruined pretty much since 2009 and the introduction of the namesake pay-per-view. Jerry Lawler is quick to remind everyone about the time Mick Foley flew off the cell and nearly died in 1998. The fact this is still the sole moment that WWE talks about when hyping the dangers of the cell is telling. Foley should get royalties every time it’s mentioned, especially considering it happened closer to the death of Elvis Pressley than the airing of this match.
Typically since the advent of the PG era, Hell in a Cell matches are glorified WWE plunderfests, and this is, for the most part, no different. This sanitised brutality exists to fill the absence of blood or high spots. Only rarely, such as Jeff Hardy vs Randy Orton from the year prior, has the Hell in a Cell lived up to its hyped brutality. At the onset, Rollins sets the tone almost immediately by going for a kendo stick, and then minutes later a table - two weapons that are on the checklist of all WWE no DQ contests. The Fiend no-sells all the kendo stick strikes, as well as a frog splash through the table.
You see, the Fiend is an unstoppable monster, so in theory this should be another easy dominating win for him. However, that is not the story WWE wants to tell, nor do they want Rollins to drop the title for some reason. Rather, the story they want to tell is that Rollins has to dominate the match, slowly becoming more and more desperate before reluctantly doing unspeakably violent things to put down the Fiend.
There is perhaps not a worse wrestler in the world to put into this role than Seth Rollins.
For all his numerous flaws, Rollins’ offence is by far his biggest. He’s always had terrible offence from his shitty superkicks, horrible strikes, and a finisher which depends heavily on the quality of his opponent to look good. Therefore having Seth Rollins of all people be the guy to deliver this beating to a larger, superhuman man that you have otherwise presented as immune to pain is ridiculous. To compensate for this, they use the aforementioned WWE style plunder, but these are all things that are seen in pretty much every no DQ match so they aren’t special in the slightest.
Rollins’ lacklustre offence is compounded by the fact that Bray Wyatt can’t fucking sell. The best monsters always know how to sell in a way that feels believable, while not losing their aura of invincibility. It’s something that Brock Lesnar and Vader, for example, do better than anyone else - knowing just when to sell, and when to no-sell. Contrary to popular belief, no-selling isn’t inherently bad, but knowing when to no-sell is vital. Watch how the Fiend sells in this match. The majority of the time he’s selling like death for Rollins’ terrible offence and looking stupid while he lies down with no movement whatsoever. When he wasn’t lying down dead, he would spring back to life feeling no ill effects - usually prompted by a pin attempt. This is even worse than early 90s Undertaker, in a far less cartoonish environment. It isn’t a coincidence that Undertaker only stopped sucking once they dropped the supernatural aspect from his wrestling.
Even before the bad booking kicked in, this was already a terrible affair. It’s manufactured in every sense of the word, and serves as a painful reminder why I dislike both these wrestlers. They’re just getting their shit in moving from spot to spot without a care about transitions, or logical selling. Whenever someone takes a move, they are obviously moving into position for the very next spot, regardless of whether it makes sense or not because both are so bad between the moves. Watch how Fiend just conveniently sets himself up for the first stomp.
After this, the Fiend is up immediately again, and this would be a common theme for the first half. From now on, the match takes on all the points that made Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns from Wrestlemania 34 so bad, and somehow surpasses it in terms of shittiness. The next ten minutes are a never ending mindless barrage of superkicks and stomps by Rollins.
This is an actual spot within the Fiend’s repertoire. The match would go on for a further 14 minutes.
It’s at this point that this already abhorrent nightmare becomes the genuinely worst match in WWE history. Bray goes to the outside to pick up a giant mallet. I am going to go on a tangent about how monumentally stupid this shit is. First of all, have you ever watched a TV show or film and someone picks up a cup of coffee and pretends to drink from it - but it’s very obvious from the way it’s lifted that there’s no actual liquid inside? That always winds me up. That is this spot. This mallet has absolutely zero weight to it. It is effortless to be picked up and it looks like a giant toy.
Let’s also talk about the fact that they had wrestlers with giant mallets just a year earlier with the Bludgeon Brothers. They were just as stupid back then, and those rubber mallets were significantly smaller than Bray’s here. Somehow, nobody at WWE remembered that they tried this idea and it sucked, so they brought it back bigger and stupider. It’s like the lighting all over again.
It’s clear that WWE wanted The Fiend to be a horror figure. What do all great horror icons have? A signature weapon. Well, in the world of wrestling, you can’t have a sharp object like a knife, chainsaw, or a machete (unless you are 2009 TNA). Instead, WWE decided to use a blunt object. But wait, we can’t just use a regular hammer, because some twat has been running around WWE for the last 20 years bashing people over the head with a sledgehammer. So let’s make it bigger. And stupider. In a classic example of WWE completely missing what makes shit good. What makes weapons in horror films so iconic is because they’re relatable and practical. Almost everyone has access to a knife or machete. It’s not difficult to get hold of a chainsaw either if you really wanted to. It’s scary because we can all imagine someone having access to this and hunting us down, allowing us to empathise with the victims. The only major iconic horror weapon that doesn’t exist in our day to day lives is Freddy Krueger’s gloves, but unlike Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, and Leatherface - Freddy doesn’t exist within our world.
There has never in human history been a practical, relatable use for a hammer this big shaped like this. It is impossible to relate to the victim. WWE tried to make their own horror villain, complete with their own signature weapon, and completely failed.
The Fiend, without any build up, hits Rollins in the gut with the stomach. No attempt to tease the mallet before using it, no attempt to build anticipation, because that would rely on nuance which is usually reserved for good wrestlers. Rollins is pretending to choke and cough up until he decides he’s had enough of that selling shit and hits a trio of superkicks. My god this fucking guy. He might be a worse seller than Wyatt. He is good at bumping and selling immediately after a move, he is truly awful at selling for any longer than that. A stomp (2) onto the mallet follows, once again with no build up. Into the ring and more superkicks and knees. FIVE FUCKING STOMPS LATER (7) and the fans are relentlessly booing now, and they would not stop until long after the show concludes. At this point, Seth’s babyface run is dead. Shitty pedigree and another stomp (8). Fiend kicks out at 1.
5 (!) more stomps (13) follow, and the Fiend is dead again apparently. Seth Rollins goes to get a chair and … very … slowly … deliberates before hitting Fiend in the head with it. Fiend kicks out at 1, but still just lies there. So he can kick out at 1 no problem, but can’t be arsed to get up while Seth Rollins is wandering around ringside forever like a dork.
It’s at this point that the story of the match turns. Now Fiend has been lying on the ground for literally minutes, and Rollins is picking up everything he can. A ladder, a toolbox, more kendo sticks, a chair. He’s just throwing shit into the ring which may be an homage to the creative meeting prior to this match. The story turns to “conflicted Seth Rollins” as he becomes more and more desperate to keep the Fiend down. I mentioned earlier that Rollins is the absolute worst wrestler to put in this position with this story, and it’s even more apropos here. When, say, John Cena is conflicted and has to decide between destroying his enemy and sticking to his ideals, it makes sense because that has always been established as Cena’s character. It might have sucked in execution, because WWE has no subtlety, but it made sense. Rollins’ character has never shown remorse for anything. He’s never been established as a gooder than good guy. Why are we now forcing a conflicted character arc when he’s fighting a supernatural evil hell demon who won’t stay down? He’s also an horrendous actor, totally unlikeable, and completely impossible to empathise with.
Seth Rollins is an actor.
Rollins pulls out a toolbox, before going back to the ladder, leading to one of the funniest spots in history as he puts the chair in between the rungs of the ladder as if this is somehow going to make the follow up more devastating.
Shout out to the unkillable hell demon that is very helpfully and very obviously holding the ladder in place.
He grabs the toolbox and starts smashing the ladder repeatedly again and again before more dramatic acting and crying.
For those wondering what the Fiend might be doing at this point, he’s still just lying down. This match may be the easiest payday of Bray Wyatt’s career. Just lie down and kick out at 1 (then continue lying down, lest you actually have to put any effort into your match).
Rollins finally decides to grab a sledgehammer. Rather than getting the comically large mallet you introduced earlier in the match, you use a regular sledgehammer and that is what ends the match - the final brutal spot to where the referee can say no more. They could have used the mallet as the finish and then at least you pay off that stupid weapon and try and legitimise it. But no, it has to be the sledgehammer that does it in. At this point, everybody’s favourite WWE trope finally appears: the overly concerned referee. This time featuring lines such as “That’s not who you are” and “Please, Colby…”
I apologise to any Colby’s who may be reading this, but man, if my real name was Colby, I would not be letting anyone bring that up on television.
It’s also worth pointing out that “that’s not who you are” is hilariously inane given this is the same man who just a few years ago threatened to murder Edge on TV, and never once showed remorse for it.
After the sledgehammer shot to the ladder, the referee finally calls for the bell. The fans, who have spent much of the last 10 minutes just booing relentlessly, now start a massive “bullshit” chant. This would be the second year in a row with a non-finish in a Hell in a Cell - which was previously the most protected stipulation in WWE for this kind of thing. I would say this killed the stipulation, but the stipulation has already been long gone by this point.
Not only that, but this doesn’t make any sense - why is the ref stoppage a no-contest? A ref stoppage in WWE has always been a victory for the aggressor, see Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn from NXT Takeover Rival for example. This finish was a failed attempt to protect both men, but in reality Rollins just kicked his ass and won decisively. Fiend didn’t move for over 6 minutes to close the match. How on earth is this supposed to protect the Fiend?
After the match, a stretcher comes out, because nothing says a horror villain like doing a stretcher job - something which in wrestling is historically used only for real injuries and babyfaces. It’s like they wanted to sabotage Rollins’ career. However, the Fiend suddenly springs to life, no-sells everything that apparently justified a no-contest finish, and then beats the hell out of Rollins outside the ring. This once again makes this a colossal waste of time. If he is supernatural and can just spring back to life, why would he not do this during the match when he can win the title? And if the argument is he doesn’t care about the title then why the fuck should I care about it? The fans start chanting to “restart the match” (unfortunately nobody in the crowd seems to have watched Victory Road 2011 so those with taste could respond with “no”).
Over the PA, WWE plays screeching noises as Rollins gets the mandible claw and blood trickles out of his mouth. See, squealing noises are scary in horror films so they’ll be scary here. It’s ironic that just 4 days after the debut episode of Dynamite, “AEW” chants could be heard from the crowd on the original broadcast. Interestingly, this is also 2 days after Smackdown’s premiere on Fox where Brock Lesnar would squash the dream title run of Kofi Kingston. In three weeks time, WWE would once again visit Saudi Arabia as part of their controversial 10-year partnership - a show that promoted Tyson Fury, a renowned homophobe, in one of its feature matches. I say all this to say that for a lot of people, October 2019 was a true turning point in their WWE fandom. The prospect of a genuine alternative offered a way out to those who habitually viewed WWE as their only easily accessible source of pro-wrestling. I have no doubt that WWE helped some of those viewers out the door with their booking around this time.
This would do so much damage to Rollins that it would end his failing babyface run immediately. After dropping the belt at Crown Jewel three weeks later, Rollins would turn heel and kick off the Monday Night Messiah gimmick. Such was the damage to Rollins’ popularity, he wouldn’t truly recover as a beloved face for another 3 years, about 5 gimmick changes, 4 more nicknames, and several obnoxious new theme songs later. Unsurprisingly, Rollins was extremely unhappy with the match and the crowd reaction to it, which I imagine is why they turned him straight away as a form of damage control. In an interview with Stone Cold, he revealed that he confronted Vince McMahon after the match. If you manage to make the ultimate company shill confront Vince McMahon, you know you’ve fucked up.
For the Fiend, there was really no reason to delay the title switch. People say that WWE booked themselves into a corner, but I disagree completely. Rollins’ title run was on life support anyway, so they should have just made the switch here. By having a match where he spent much of it getting his ass kicked by someone smaller than him, it killed a lot of the aura that the Fiend had. He was still popular, but there’s no doubt that he felt significantly less special immediately after this. The Fiend gimmick would continue to suck the life out of my own personal enjoyment of WWE television until his departure in 2021.
And with that, the very worst match in the history of WWE. It’s been a long, tedious, painful journey, but I am so thankful to all the readers for following the process. The kind words on the Discord mean the world to me, and if even one person has found entertainment from this it’s all been worth it.
I’m still working on my next series, but I should have updates on the Discord. In the meantime, stay subscribed as more reviews/entries will still follow.
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