100 Worst WWE Matches Ever - 24 - Goldberg vs. The Undertaker
Super ShowDown 2019
What’s fascinating about this match is that these two have an argument to being the most dominant wrestlers of all time from a kayfabe perspective. They had two of the most famous streaks in the history of wrestling. It was a match that had never happened before, and never even came close - the closest being a brief interaction in the 2017 Royal Rumble match. In theory, this should be an easy win - a simple dream match that at just 8 minutes long couldn’t possibly fail. Be badasses, hit your big spots and go home.
One problem.
This match takes place in 2019.
That is around 20 years after this match would have been at its pinnacle in terms of anticipation, and many years since the physical peak of either man. Even still, unless something goes catastrophically wrong, the two should be able to put on a passable match to appease what is typically a very supportive and enthusiastic audience.
Let’s talk about the psyche of the Undertaker going into this because I feel it’s important context. Following Wrestlemania 30, the Undertaker was in a rough place professionally. The concussion put a damper on the most important match of his career. What would have been the logical culmination for his legendary career was tainted by the fact that the match was largely disappointing (not that anyone really cares about that, as the match was more about the moment). The later part of his career was built around having the most memorable match of the night at Wrestlemania. Following Wrestlemania 30, that suddenly felt impossible. It seemed that father time had caught up to him at last, and he continued to disappoint time and time again (a couple of Brock matches in 2015 notwithstanding).
As revealed in his Last Ride documentary, Undertaker’s motivation was to put on one last memorable match that he could be proud of - the match that could give the legendary career the finale it deserved. The original intention was for Wrestlemania 33 to be the end, but he felt the match with Roman disappointed and that he let Reigns down. At Wrestlemania 34 he prepared for the John Cena match hoping to create an epic, only for the two to be given 3 minutes of in-ring time. He reignited his feud with Triple H, only for their Australia contest to be another mediocre affair. They even brought his greatest opponent out of retirement, only for that match to be - well we’ll see later on.
Undertaker was chasing the dragon that was quickly eluding him. Wrestlemania 35 two months prior to this match represented the first Wrestlemania in 19 years without the Deadman. WWE was seemingly comfortable to move on, rather than relying on Undertaker as they had done (a fact supported by the fact that his Wrestlemania 34 match a year earlier was not even announced prior to the show).
For Goldberg it was a far simpler story. He would be relied upon for many part time appearances between 2016 and 2020, picking up two world championship reigns in the process, while also given the opportunity to wrestle in front of his kid.
Much like a lot of these shows, the match was announced before any interaction between the two men. I don’t have an issue with this style of booking, especially for a special attraction match.
I mentioned earlier about the fact that there’s surely only so much damage that could be done in 8 minutes. This wasn’t like the Triple H match from Australia where WWE asked two men to go 30 minutes who clearly weren’t capable of it anymore. With 8 minutes you have just enough time to fit in all your signature moves and go home. What on earth could possibly go wrong?
As you may imagine by its presence here, the answer to that question is everything. So much so that the issues begin before either man makes it to the ring. Goldberg slammed the door during his entrance as usual, and emerged with a small cut on his forehead. It’s later revealed that Goldberg’s pre-match ritual involves him genuinely headbutting the door. The stupidity of this is that we, the audience, can’t see this. He could just as easily hit the door with his hands and everyone would be none the wiser. But no, Goldberg decides that his pre-match ritual should involve giving himself CTE to pump himself up or something.
Goldberg later confirmed that he couldn’t remember anything after the headbutt to the door. Little did he know, that wasn’t even the worst thing to happen to him. Not even 90 seconds into the actual match, Goldberg goes for a spear to the corner, only for Undertaker to dodge. Goldberg, who clearly never watched his own WCW tape, goes head first into the ring post. To say he’s fucked up at this point would be an understatement. He is bleeding heavily immediately, but more crucially, he has been totally knocked for a loop. You can see it in his eyes, the way he walks around the ring, and the way he bumps. There’s no coordination in his body.
Even the usually supportive and sympathetic Saudi Arabian crowd lose their enthusiasm as the match wears on. With every awkward bump or messy spot, the buzz in the arena fades further from the arena.
Given the limitations of both, the concussion throws everything off. This was a precarious situation going into the match, and any hope they had was gone at this point. The physical weaknesses of the Undertaker start to rear their ugly head as he goes for a very real looking Tombstone Piledriver. They’re trying to run through their usual spots they had planned, instead of playing it safer.
This comes to its disastrous outcome with the most infamous spot as Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer. Farbeit from me to tell guys how to do their job, but maybe don’t have the concussed guy try and lift another 300lbs man. Not only that, but the Jackhammer relies on the balance and athleticism of the guy taking it just as much as the man performing it. The outcome is, inevitably, a disaster. Goldberg delivers a move that is not so much a Jackhammer but the world’s most real Brainbuster.
The match reaches its conclusion as they once again try a Tombstone spot, this time a much more ambitious spot. Again, I’ll never know why they’re insisting on doing these spots given the condition of both. Goldberg tries to go for a Tombstone, and they plan to do the classic “Undertaker flips over into his own Tombstone” bit. Well, that goes about as well as you’d expect from a guy who doesn’t know what country he’s in, and another 10 years past his prime who just got dumped on his head.
They quickly audible to a chokeslam, obviously thinking that there’s no way they can screw that up. Well move over Hulk Hogan, because we have a new recipient of the worst Chokeslam in history. That is enough to give the Undertaker the win to lukewarm, polite applause.
This was an unmitigated disaster. Everything that could have gone wrong did, and when you lose this crowd, you know you’ve had a miserable night. Both have been badly hurt, Goldberg so much so that he’s unable to actually walk to the back on his own. Undertaker looks outright disgusted afterwards - he doesn’t even pretend to celebrate. It’s honestly tough to watch knowing what we know about him from his documentary and how much his bad performances were affecting his mental health.
Up Next - Arguably the greatest ever fuck you from WWE to its audience.
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