100 Worst WWE Matches Ever - 32 - Al Snow & Jonathan Coachman vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler & Jim Ross.
Unforigven 2003
In my life, I’ve found myself so mentally exhausted by certain wrestlers that the opening riff of their theme immediately sucks the life and enthusiasm out of me. Most would agree that there was a point where the opening “weeeelllllll” of the Big Show’s theme hit that point for them once he had long outstayed his welcome as a prominent on-screen character. For me, I have similar feelings about Natalya’s theme anytime over the last few years, or Triple H’s theme to kick off a Raw in 2002-2003.
Jonathan Coachman’s theme to this day always evokes this emotion in me. That tune sucks the life out of my soul. The deafening silence of the arena seems to suggest that this is not a feeling unique to myself.
Somehow, this is even worse. It’s not like Big Show, Natalya, or Triple H where I had times in my fandom where I enjoyed what they brought. If I’m watching a historical show, there’s a chance that opening “weeeeelllll” comes from better days where Big Show was a reasonably enjoyable wrestler. Coach never had that. He was a mediocre backstage announcer, a bad character, an even worse wrestler, and a horrible, horrible commentator.
Commentary is the name of the game here. You see, in the summer of 2003 Jonathan Coachman transitioned from backstage announcer to a stooge for Eric Bischoff. It was the heel turn that absolutely nobody asked for and the world never needed. I have no doubt that a lot of my negative feelings towards the Raw brand in 2003 are directly linked to the prominence of Coach on my television. Coach and Al Snow were the HEAT announcers at this time, but used their friendship with Bischoff to get this match - live on pay-per-view - where the winning team will become the permanent Raw announce team going forward.
Before the match, JR and King realise that there’s nobody scheduled to do commentary. Yes, it’s one of those matches.
As I alluded to in the disastrous Muhammad Hassan vs Jerry Lawler match previously, matches without commentary are always a jarring affair. I liken it to those Youtube videos of sitcoms with the laugh track removed. You’re taking a medium and changing an integral part of it. At least in defence of sitcoms, that was done by a person editing an already existing video. It isn’t like the producers of the Big Bang Theory decided one day to run an episode without the laugh track. Because that would be unbelievably stupid and why would anyone intentionally sabotage their product?
Understandably, Al Snow and King start the match as the only two proper wrestlers in the match. The Al Snow and Lawler section is about as good as a match between the two in 2003 could be, which is to say, not really. It’s quite boring. Al Snow was years past relevancy at this point and was frankly a boring character at this point - if he had a character at all.
All the while, you have to listen to Coach and JR talking trash on the apron to fill the void of silence.
Coach gets himself tagged in and gets the heat on Jerry. Watching Lawler sell for Coach is just as horrific and traumatising as watching him sell for Michael Cole.
JR eventually gets the hot tag and then we get some vintage JR offence on Coach. In fairness, this is the only part of the match the fans are somewhat enthusiastic for. And Al Snow takes an impressive looking bump to make his clothesline look devastating. It’s short lived, which if I were generous I’d say is a positive to the match but I will not give this company credit for anything here. Eventually, Chris Jericho interferes and costs JR and King the match and their spot as lead announcers on Monday Night Raw.
After the match, JR and King go back to the commentary booth (because of course you’re not going to have Al Snow and Coach commentate the Triple H pay-per-view main event, get real). The two basically treat this like Owen Hart, Eddie Guerrero and Brian Pillman all happened simultaneously but vow to give it their best for the rest of the show.
Al Snow and Coach’s commentary tenure would be mercifully short. JR defeated Coach in a match on Raw that itself nearly made this list. However while Coach’s commentary run was short, he would remain as an on-screen heel character for a further 5 years. He stumbled ass-backwards into a further three runs as an on-screen commentator in 2005, 2008 and 2018, each one shockingly worse than the last. Al Snow and Coach winning at this show was a surprise, and then ultimately meant absolutely nothing. It’s nice that WWE charged upwards of $40 for the privilege of watching a match that didn’t even have the decency to live up to its stipulation in any meaningful way. This would be an awful Raw match, but subjecting it to pay-per-view is cruel and unusual punishment.
Up Next - Two of the biggest stars of the Attitude Era disappoint once again.
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