100 Worst WWE Matches Ever - 7 - Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole
Wrestlemania 27
This may come as a surprise to anyone reading, but I found this a difficult match to rank. Some may have expected this to be a contender for the top spot on this list, but in truth it wasn’t ever close.
The biggest frustration I have with this angle and match is it’s so close to working. What I mean by that is that there’s little that would need to be different to remove this from the list. Not only that, but I’d argue those minimal changes would make this whole ordeal actively good. Concentrating just on the segments involving these two leading into Wrestlemania, the feud was for the most part very strong. Cole was almost too good as the detestable little shit, and Lawler was terrific as the sympathetic legend. Unfortunately, the segments leading into the show do not tell the full story. The heel Cole commentary went beyond the confines of this feud, and instead dominated the entire product. For months his bickering with Jerry Lawler would overshadow every single aspect of Monday Night Raw in a way that probably hasn’t been seen since the nWo. These issues are exacerbated when you consider that this is comfortably the longest built storyline going into Wrestlemania. The heel Cole character is one of the most reviled I can remember seeing in all my years talking to other wrestling fans. Many have said that they stopped watching WWE because of this exact character and it’s easy to understand why. He had a presence on every show, every segment was overbearing, distracting, and buried all the talent with only a few key, obvious exceptions. Even though the individual segments involving Lawler and Cole were good, the overarching problems of the Cole character are impossible to ignore.
With that said, it’s not often that a promotion is handed such a simple match to book. Everyone knew what this needed to be, everyone still knows what it needed to be. Cole just needed to get his ass kicked and that would be the end of it. Austin is the special referee, and Jack Swagger is Cole’s trainer/muscle, so there’s enough talent to pad out a brief bit of overbooking to make up for Cole’s understandable lack of contribution. Somewhere along the way, someone in WWE decided that predictable = bad. Having Lawler hit a few punches, a fist drop, then win would be entirely too straightforward. In what I can only assume was WWE deciding to swerve the fans, not only would this not be the short squash it needed to be, but it also wouldn’t provide the obvious outcome the story warranted.
The match follows a similar theme to the feud. This is so so close to being good. For a match that is universally despised, there’s surprisingly a fair bit I enjoy here, which is why I struggled with the placement. Cole’s pre-match promo is decent, and his whole aesthetic is hilarious and fitting for the dorky character he is. Swagger is the unsung hero of this match, and shines in the few spots he has with his facial expressions and cheerleading. Even before the match, his face when Austin’s music hits is priceless. He also jumps out of the way of Austin’s vehicle at the very last second, in what may be the most impressive spot of everything.
The moment when Lawler finally gets his hands on Cole in the Cole Mine is incredibly satisfying, especially his squashed face against the glass.
The problem is that this is criminally long, both as an overall segment and a bell-to-bell match. This match should have been about 90 seconds long, with Cole getting his ass resoundingly kicked. Any offence by Cole should have been shrugged off by Lawler en-route to Cole’s eventual murder.
Instead what happens is that after a couple of minutes Swagger manages to get a cheap shot on Lawler, and an ankle lock. What we then get is an excruciating section where Michael Cole is working over Jerry Lawler. This section goes on forever. If you told me this lasted 12 of the 14 minutes of this match, I would know you were wrong, but I think I’d still believe you. In the context of this show, the length of this is indefensible. From start to finish, this whole segment takes up 30 minutes. Anyone who has watched Wrestlemania 27 can immediately recognise that the time management of the whole card is completely off and the biggest reason for its poor quality. Wrestlemania 27 couldn’t make space for Daniel Bryan versus Sheamus, which was relegated to the pre-show. The Corre tag match lasted 90 seconds, while the mixed tag team match went just 3 minutes. Even the main event itself was cut short for time.
On the other hand, this segment gets 30 minutes. There’s an horrendous Rock promo to open the show that takes up 15 minutes. Edge and Christian spend 6 minutes destroying a car. The entirety of Undertaker versus Triple H lasts 50 minutes, with 10 minutes of that dedicated to the post-match stretcher job. Fingers will point to various parts of the show that could have been cut down, but undeniably the biggest culprit is this match right here. When you can pinpoint one match as a key reason why an entire show failed - worse still, the biggest show of the year - then it’s understandable why the sheer mention of this brings an anger out of most wrestling fans.
It’s made worse by the fact that this is the second time in consecutive years that a match between an ageing legend and a non-wrestler went far longer than it needed to. Lessons were not learned by the tedious Bret Hart versus Vince McMahon match.
Watching Lawler sell for Cole is immeasurably stupid and one of the great disgusting visuals in wrestling history. I am not exaggerating when I say that if this section where Cole is working over Lawler was not in this match, I probably wouldn’t even think about putting this on the list - certainly not this high. It’s also among the worst things that I’ve seen over the course of this project. It goes without saying that Cole’s offence looks horrible, as it should given that he’s a dorky heel commentator. The crowd starts chanting “You can’t wrestle” which might be the most redundant chant in wrestling history. The problem is that all of this should have been shrugged off by Lawler. Perhaps the most ghastly moment is Lawler selling an ankle lock. The only entertaining part of this excruciating section is Cole going for the Swagger Bomb but being so terrified that he jumps off the first rope instead. That gets a 2 count, and any positive thoughts I had are negated because these are not moves that should be in any way effective for a near fall.
Cole gets in Austin’s face after the ankle lock fails, to which Austin pushes Cole into Lawler and allows Lawler to make his eventual babyface comeback. After a bit of offence by Lawler, Swagger gets on the apron and throws in the towel for Cole. Austin contemplates allowing the surrender, but instead opts to use the towel to wipe his brow. Swagger’s complaints lead to an inevitable Stunner. Funny spot.
Lawler almost gets the win off a diving fist drop, but decides to inflict just a little more punishment to prolong this even further. He gets an ankle lock of his own, and Cole taps like a bitch immediately. Austin decides to have just a little bit more fun by blatantly ignoring Cole’s surrender for about 30 seconds before ringing the bell.
After a couple of celebratory post-match beers, the Anonymous Raw General Manager chimes in and says that because Austin overstepped his authority by blatantly interfering in the match, the decision would be reversed and Cole would win via disqualification. Bearing in mind the only interference was a simple push to Cole. If the Anonymous Raw GM ended up being Michael Cole or a Michael Cole affiliate, then this might have made more sense, but instead it ends up being Hornswoggle - one of the more unsatisfying payoffs to what ended up being a 2 year plot. Not only is this a ridiculous justification to extend this feud, but it doesn’t make a bit of sense either.
The reversal of the decision meant that the heel Michael Cole character had to continue for a few more months. I believe this is another reason why this match is rightfully despised. If this was the end of the troll Cole character, it might have been easier to handle the obvious flaws of this match. But it wasn’t. Wrestlemania 27 should have been the definitive end to this experiment. However, the heel Cole character didn’t truly die until - ironically - 18 months later on the night that Jerry Lawler suffered a heart attack. Cole became a sympathetic figure overnight, and any semblance of heel Cole was gone forever, and we are all thankful for that.
Up Next - Never let me hear anyone dispute my Mr Anti Wrestlemania moniker ever again.
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