100 Worst WWE Matches Ever - 16 - Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon
No Holds Barred - Wrestlemania 26
This match pains me in so many ways.
Bret Hart is my all time favourite wrestler. For me, his return to kick off the January 4th 2010 episode of Raw is a fond memory. Bret managed to let go of at least some portion of the pain that had tormented him for 13-years. A man that did so much for the company even at its darkest time, and had so much taken away from them, found it in his heart to find some closure. He proved there is always room for forgiveness. It’s beautiful if you think about it.
To conclude that episode of Raw, WWE set in motion an angle where Vince would low blow Bret to set up the feud that would lead into Wrestlemania. Over the coming months, Bret tried to get his match with Mr McMahon at Wrestlemania, which Vince constantly rejected. However, when Bret was struck by a car, breaking his leg, Vince had a change of heart and tried to goad Bret into the match. Presumably figuring that beating up a 52-year-old stroke victim with a broken leg would be a piece of cake, even for a now 63-year-old man.
It was all a ruse however - a plot devised by Bret Hart and John Cena to trick Vince into thinking Bret broke his leg. Once Vince had signed the match at Wrestlemania, Bret revealed that the leg was in fact 100%. The storyline was not without its faults, but is not the reason we are reliving this today.
This is 11 minutes long bell-to-bell and, as anyone who has ever watched this match will tell you, that is a long, long, 11 minutes. That is 5 minutes longer than the criminally short CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio match from the same show, and only a minute shorter than Sheamus versus Triple H. It feels even longer than that thanks to the pre-match shenanigans which stretches this entire segment of Wrestlemania to 25 minutes. After a 13 year build up, perhaps WWE felt justified in thinking 11 minutes of match was a suitable length for one of wrestling’s defining rivalries.
However, common sense should have prevailed. Aside from the obvious physical limitations of both men - a 52 year old former stroke victim, and a 63 year old man - there were far bigger complications at hand. Legal ones. Bret had claimed insurance from Lloyds of London on account of the concussions and stroke that ultimately ended his wrestling career. Insurance companies, famously, don’t like giving away money and will find just about any reason to not do so. Whether or not Bret could physically take a bump is irrelevant, he could not legally take one. In the lead up to Wrestlemania, WWE were questioning internally if this match could even happen at all. Eventually, WWE and Lloyds of London came to an agreement on the match. By all accounts the insurance company had a heavy hand in agreeing what could and could not be done without compromising Bret’s existing insurance claim.
Now with all this in mind, does this seem like a good idea to have an 11 minute match?
What this means is we have a man who is immobile, out of shape, and isn’t allowed to do any strenuous physical activity having to find things to do for a full 11 minutes. Yet because he can’t take a bump, he’s the one that has to beat up an even older man for the full duration and keep it interesting. This was an impossible task. You can’t do anything physically straining, you can’t bump, and you can’t do any big moves while wrestling someone else who could barely bump at this point. I think even 1995 Bret Hart would struggle to put together a decent match under these circumstances.
Ignoring the match length for just a second, the problems arise before the bell even sounds. Vince makes his entrance and reveals that he has paid off the Hart family to act as surprise lumberjacks in his favour, and enlists Bret’s brother Bruce as the special referee. The first big problem is that the swerve sucks. For starters, in what is seemingly the story of this entire fiasco, the whole bit goes on entirely too long. Secondly, the WWE audience were not familiar with these people. In 2010, all members of the Hart family that the fans actually knew and cared about were … well … dead. The most relevant of the lumberjacks were the Hart Dynasty (David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Natalya) - however even they weren’t over in any significant way with the audience. I imagine a large percentage of the 70,000 people in attendance had no idea who the guy in sunglasses and the referee shirt was. Maybe some people would recognise Diana Hart Smith - not that the commentary team took a second to point her out. This is one of the flattest swerves you’ll ever, ever see.
Speaking of commentary, while I appreciate he was a face at the time, I kind of feel like you needed Jerry Lawler to call out the dysfunction in the Hart family. Not only would it be a neat call back to his 90s feud with Bret Hart, but may even sell the turn for even half a second.
Eventually the match gets started. It’s sad to watch Bret with about three moves he can do at this point. Punching, an elbow drop, and the sharpshooter. None of them done with any sort of zip or energy, understandably so given his condition. His shirt and jean shorts look a far cry from the iconic, effortlessly cool Bret attires of the past.
The Hart Dynasty pick up some of the early slack by attacking Vince , including a Hart Attack on the outside. Vince manages to get a slight reprieve when he grabs a crowbar from under the ring to fight off the lumberjacks. This would be the only slight success Mr McMahon would have in this match. Bret manages to easily take the crowbar from Vince, and beats him down with it repeatedly for almost 2 full minutes (keep this in mind for later).
He teases the Sharpshooter, and the fans come to life in expectation. Unfortunately, Bret decides to go back to the crowbar some more.
He teases the Sharpshooter for a second time, and the crowd come to life again, but opts to hit Vince with a pair of low blows instead.
There’s a third Sharpshooter tease, and this time the crowd pop is noticeably quieter and the crowd are back to sitting on their hands. For a third time, Bret refuses to lock in the Sharpshooter, and he follows up with a couple more kicks. At this point, Lawler comments that this may go on all night, and it certainly feels like it.
David Hart Smith slides a chair into the ring. In what is my most vivid memory of this match, Bret decides to take a seat. After all, he’s a 52 year old stroke victim who has been walking around for 5 minutes at this point. He's exhausted, understandably so. He's sat down for nearly a minute before he gets up and hits Vince with the chair. And again. Repeatedly. This goes on for 2 full minutes - bearing in mind we already had a long section where he repeatedly hit Vince with a crowbar. This is one of the most excruciating spots I’ve ever seen in a wrestling match. It’s so tedious to watch this man struggle around the ring, beating up another old man with a chair for way too long. It’s not interesting, it’s not cathartic, it isn’t satisfying, it’s not building anything, it’s just mind-numbingly dull and repetitive.
Eventually, after the fourth tease, Bret locks in the Sharpshooter for the victory.
This match should have been about 2 minutes long at most. Do the Hart Attack spot, tease the Sharpshooter once, then do the Sharpshooter for real. There’s been some entries to date that were scandalously long. But never before has the decision been more baffling, so obviously incorrect and ill-advised. Even worse, the one guy that makes the final decision how long these go, is in the fucking match.
This 2010 run of Bret Hart peaked with the opening segment of January 4th, and from there was a constant disappointment thereafter.
Up Next - The match whose placement gave me the biggest headache of the whole process. Also the shortest match on the list.
Previous Entry:
Next Entry:
